Positivity

Have you ever stopped to consider why you attract negative people into your life?

I have to admit, it’s something I have often made a habit of.

Not on purpose of course.

But time and time again, I would find myself attracting friends and partners who were negative and needy.

No matter how hard I tried to be positive when I was around them, I was fighting a losing battle.

Over the last 6-7 months, as I have started to change my own mindset, throwing myself into improving my own wellbeing and self care, I have noticed my energy levels change. My sparkle is brighter.

And as a consequence, I’m attracting other people who have a positive energy about them.

Spending time instead with people who, despite the troubled world we live in, who see the good in people, who make the most out of bad situations, and thrive on throwing themselves at life.

Even on days like yesterday, where I felt far from 100%, and woke up with a little bit of attitude, within an hour of being surrounded by positivity, I found myself grinning as wide as a Cheshire Cat, relaxing and, quite simply, enjoying the day.

The more positive we are about ourselves, our lives, and the environments we share, the more positive people will be drawn into our lives, leading us to a much happier existence.

Knife crime, dirty laundry, and self care

The last couple of weeks have made me realise just how important it is to have a self care bank.

If I hadn’t been able to cash in on some of my self care reserves, I definitely wouldn’t have got through it as well as I have.

Most of the drama that has unfolded, has been out of my hands.

Sadly we’re living in a city where knife crime is a reality. It’s almost becoming the norm. Yet twice, in the space of just a few days, knife crime got closer to home.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s my country bumpkin background that makes me more shockable when these things happen.

The guys I know who have lived in and around London for most of their lives, tend to just shrug it off and tell me ‘that’s life’. I guess this isn’t the first time they have dealt with knife and gang crime. It’s not like it’s a new problem, but with the news and social media platforms we use these days, perhaps it just seems worse because it’s talked about more.

Whatever’s going on, when it impacts people you know, as well as the work you do, it starts to feel like it’s getting a bit too close for comfort.

I’ve also still been having problems with my ex. I’m not going to air my dirty laundry on here, but it’s something I could do without.

I’m also trying to spend some time forging new, exciting friendships/relationships with people. It was one of the things I wanted to accomplish this year. It’s early days, but it’s kinda fun wondering whether these people are here for a reason, here for a season, or here for a lifetime.

I haven’t even had time to head home lately. Weekends have been filled with hen parties, friends and family visiting, and work. And there’s still more busy weekends to come.

I’m certainly not complaining, but my body and mind are starting to tell me I need some R&R.

Today, I listened to my body and did bugger all. After working all day on Saturday, I needed some time to just vegetate today. I only left the house to grab some food for dinner, and barely left the sofa. I used to hate days doing nothing. But I’ve learnt that when my body says rest, I need to listen to it, otherwise I run the risk of burning out.

Heading into a new week, I need to make sure I focus on getting back outside for some exercise, as well as creating some time to bank some more self care points, in order to replace those I have used over the last couple of weeks.

Fingers crossed for a more peaceful week ahead…

Sparkle

How do some people in life just simply make you sparkle? ✨

I guess we’re not just talking ordinary people.

These are people who see things that other people don’t see.

People who see deep into your soul.

People who on your darkest days, make you smile, laugh, and shine.

People who see you at your worst, but still tell you how good you look.

And when they see you at your best, they make you sparkle that bit more.

Being in their company makes you glow from the inside.

As well as the outside.

It’s such a special feeling, that even when you’re no longer in their company, you’re left with a feeling.

A feeling of excitement.

A feeling that makes you feel alive.

A feeling that makes you want to conquer the world.

Valentines

Happy Valentines to you my lovely followers ❤️.

Whether you’ve been celebrating today with your partners, your friends, or by yourself, I hope you’ve been kind to yourself today.

This is my first single valentines for a couple of years. So many singletons seem to dread the day. Quite frankly, even those in relationships often turn their noses up at the thought of it.

However, even as a thirty something singleton, I’ve been looking forward to today.

I may not have anyone to have a romantic night in (or out) with, but for me, today has been about celebrating self love.

Ok, so maybe I had a bit of a flirt here and there, but for the most part, I have been celebrating self love.

For possibly the first time in my life, I feel happy with who I am. I feel like a new person since my trip to Portugal. Even my colleagues have noticed a change. I feel lighter, happier.

My wellbeing and my happiness have become a priority. I have spent years trying to make others happy, making myself miserable in the process. But now, I finally realise the importance of self love.

If I love me for who I am, and make sure that I stay true to myself, if I find myself looking for romantic love again, there will be no changing me to make others happy from now on.

I have lost count of the times I have changed for other people. And all it’s done is caused me to lose my identity and to end up as miserable as sin.

I’m done with all that rubbish.

If you’re not going to love me for me, then you don’t deserve me, and you certainly won’t have a future with me.

So today, my friends, has been about celebrating my happiness, my freedom, and most importantly, celebrating finding love for myself.

And this evening, I have celebrated in my cosy little London flat, with my four legged friend, a bottle of wine, and a chocolate pudding.

And I’ve loved every minute ❤️❤️❤️

Solo Traveller

When I first went on holiday on my own 3 years ago, I received a mixed reaction from friends and family. Some said good on you. Others thought I was crazy. Won’t you be lonely? Aren’t you scared going alone? Why don’t you find someone to go with?

The answers to those questions at the time were:

  • I don’t know, as I’ve never done it before
  • Yes
  • There aren’t many of us singletons left in my friendship circle, and why should no one wanting to leave their husbands, wives or their children, stop me from going to sunnier climes?

This time around, fewer people asked those questions. In fact, the comments I received were a lot more positive:

  • I wish I was brave enough to go away on my own
  • Have a great time

Perhaps people’s mindsets are changing. More and more people seem to be going off and doing their own thing, whether that’s because they are single, or simply because they want to visit places their partners don’t really fancy going to.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the easiest thing to do. It pushes me way out of my comfort zone. But I like to see how far I can push myself. Where are my limits?

When I arrived in Portugal this week, I asked myself the questions my friends had asked me 3 years ago. My answers this time were:

  • No, I now love my own company. Plus the beauty of the modern world, means I can stay in touch with friends and family back home, if I want to.
  • I am always a little apprehensive about travelling alone, but I try to avoid putting myself in the face of unnecessary risk. Plus, I have now been living in London for 3 years.
  • I didn’t even try to convince anyone to come with me this time. Well, ok, just the one, but I was truly looking forward to escaping, having some quiet time away from the madness of work and London, and spending some time working on where I want to be in the future, and the steps I can start taking to get me there

So here I am, in sunny Portugal, sitting on my balcony, alone, but not lonely, enjoying some time away from the rat race, relaxing and exploring, watching the sunset and wondering just how many trips I might be able to squeeze into this coming year ✈️☀️🏖

Albufeira – photo taken today by me

The path to self-discovery

Have you ever been known to choose the wrong partner at a time when you are feeling lost?

Perhaps at a time when you have been suffering from low self esteem, you fall for someone who ends up making your self esteem even worse? Or equally as bad, you fall for someone who wants to control you?

I seem to fall into this trap time and time again.

I have actually lost count of the number of relationships I have been in whereby I have come out of them feeling worse about myself than I had before the relationship had begun.

It’s time to change this crazy pattern of behaviour.

I am making a commitment to you, my lovely readers, that I am going to do everything within my power, to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

No doubt you are asking yourselves how I am going to achieve this, especially when I have just confessed that my history goes against this.

The difference this time, is the fact that I am on a path of self discovery.

I am learning what makes me happy, what makes me laugh, what makes me smile, and what brings joy to my soul. I am learning what makes me tick. I am learning to notice when I need to be around people, and when I need time to be alone. I am finding new ways to improve my wellbeing and to be more mindful in my day to day, and not just when I am feeling close to burning out. I am learning to look after my mind and to also look after my body more.

I am learning that I don’t need a boyfriend to complete me.

When I am ready to love again, I am hopeful, that because I am happy with myself and who I am, that the person I meet will be happy with themselves too. It will then be time to take another journey, learning how we can work together to bring out the best in each other. To encourage one another to be the best person they can be, without jealousy creeping in or the need to control one another.

Whilst I have made a good start down the path of self discovery, I am nowhere near the end yet. I’m not even sure I am even anywhere near the middle.

But what I do know, is that I am excited by this journey, and I have already learnt a great deal about myself.

Do I sometimes wish I had started this journey sooner? Of course I do. But I am also aware, that I was not ready to make this journey until now.

Wobbles, Living Alone and Holidays

I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful for the weekend to arrive!

I had a bit of a wobbly moment midweek where I felt incredibly overwhelmed by the amount of work I need to do between now and the summer. Within the industry I work, everything seems to come at once. Deadlines galore, lot’s of meetings, visits, processes to review, assessments to pass. Lot’s of plates to keep spinning.

Thankfully I have an incredibly supportive boss. On Wednesday when I looked at my diary for the next 6 months and started to get that overwhelming feeling, I spoke to my boss about my concerns and let him know how I was feeling. I wouldn’t ordinarily have done this. I don’t like to panic until there is an actual problem. But something in me knew I had to be open and honest. And I’m so glad I told him. Straightaway a plan was formed to take some of the burden off me and to share it out amongst the team. Do I still have work to do? Absolutely. But is it going to be easier shared? 100%. I still feel worried about the tasks that are coming up, but I feel so much better for sharing my concerns early, rather than waiting for them to get out of hand. I have avoided a battle with the dreaded imposter syndrome (for now).

This week has also been the first week living on my own, albeit with my extremely fluffy four legged friend. As much as I have loved the thought of living on my own, I didn’t really know how I would find it. I didn’t know if I would feel lonely, scared, nervous, bored even. But I’ve felt none of those so far. It helps having my cat here with me. At least I can talk to her even if she doesn’t say an awful lot back. I think I’ve actually slept the best I have in ages. My eating habits are improving, as I’m making smaller, healthier meals. And I’m spending more time doing things I want to do, such as catching up with reading, watching my favourite movies, seeing friends, and on the odd evening, catching up on work without feeling guilty (and without interuptions). I also strangely like the fact that when I come home from work grumpy and tired, I no longer need to worry about snapping at anyone. If I want to be grumpy I can, without being worried about offending/upsetting anyone else, or worse, causing an argument.

Despite sleeping better, eating better, and doing more exercise, I feel exhausted. I am aware that some of this will be a delayed reaction to the emotional rollercoaster I have been on over the last few months. I need to make some time this weekend for some much needed self-care and some rest, before another busy week at work begins again on Monday.

I am so grateful that I have a holiday on the horizon too. I am normally so last minute with booking holidays, but having booked this one over Christmas, it really is stopping me from getting the January blues, and is giving me something to look forward to. Even though Portugal may not be at its warmest in February, there’s a lot more chance of seeing the sunshine than staying in London. I simply cannot wait to feel the sun on my skin and to feel the sand between my toes.

art beach beautiful clouds
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com