Wedding Season

It’s been a good few years since I last went to a wedding.

They can be a bit like buses. You wait ages for one and then two come along at once!

This spring, two of my closest friends are getting married to their respective partners.

Whilst I have been looking forward to their weddings and helping them to celebrate their love for each other, in the back of my mind, a little reminder keeps going off, reminding me that these are the first weddings in my proper grown up life, where I have been going as a singleton.

I’m talking weddings of friends here, and not family. It seems to be much more acceptable to attend a family wedding with your family as opposed to having to worry about a plus 1. Although there’s still no escaping the awkward question of, are you ever going to be next?

Friends weddings are very different to family weddings.

Weddings in your 30s are also very different to weddings in your 20s.

Weddings in your 20s

Attending weddings in your early 20s is all about having fun. It’s a bit of a novelty when you start to get wedding invitations through your door after years of guessing who might be first to tie the knot.

In your early 20s, most of the bride and grooms friends are still single. Weddings were all about who could drink the most, and copping off with the bridesmaids or the best man (or both!)!

Then there are the weddings you’re invited to when you’re in your mid 20s. People, by now, are starting to get into serious relationships.

Wedding invitations are flooding through the door, and there is the added excitement of taking your plus 1. You want to show them off to your friends, and as you sit there watching your friends tie the knot, you hope that you and your plus 1 might be next.

However, with the plus 1 in attendance, cue the awkward questions. “So will you two be next?” or “When are you too going to tie the knot?” followed by lots of nudging each other.

The questions you get in your late 20s are even worse, with people reminding you that your body clock is ticking!

Weddings in your 30s

Attending weddings in your 30s is by no means an area I am an expert in. In fact, this weekends wedding between my lovely friend Elaine and her partner Will, is the first wedding I have attended in my 4th decade.

It’s also the first wedding I have been to in a long time, as a singleton. I tried not to think about it too much. However, there was still part of my mind that kept wondering whether I would stick out like a sore thumb! How would I feel when the couples got up to dance together during the first dance? Would it make me feel sad that I’m on my own and not with a significant other?

Of course I didn’t need to worry. Although it appeared that most guests were there as a couple, many with their young families, I didn’t once feel out of place.

There was to be no slow dance for the happy couple (they opted for a Ceilidh instead!), which at least meant that I wasn’t left on my own staring into the distance all misty eyed as the couples left me for the dance floor. The couples still left me for the dance floor, but instead of feeling left out, I relished in the opportunity to film them dancing during the Ceilidh!

The only disappointing factor was the lack of single men in the room, but aside from that, it was great to simply catch up with friends, old and new, to dance like a loon, and to celebrate love.

The thing is, I’m happy with being single. Had I not been, I may’ve found the experience more difficult. But the fact that I am happy with where I am, and who I am, meant that I could go to my friends wedding, and just enjoy the day for what it was. Two friends, making a commitment to each other.

Reprioritisation

Do you ever find yourself caught up in life and realise that you’ve not quite got your priorities right?

Life has been busy lately. In fact, since the new year, life has been pretty mental. Finding time to relax in the evenings and at weekends has been near on impossible, especially since my trip to Portugal back in February.

I’m certainly not complaining. There’s nothing worse than falling into January with an empty diary.

There have been weekends with friends or family visiting. There have been hen parties. There have been weekends where I’ve volunteered to help out with work events.

I also lost an entire Saturday when I was meant to be meeting my family for the day, but instead I ashamedly spent the day recovering from the worst hangover I’ve ever had in my entire life. Far from my proudest moment.

I felt awful not going to see my family. My brother was due to have an operation the following week and I had desperately wanted to see him before he went into hospital. But I wasn’t in a fit state to go anywhere, let alone jump on the train to go and meet them.

As frustrating and embarrassing as it was (I’m 35! Surely I should know better!?!), it was the kick up the backside I needed to refocus and get my priorities straightened out.

So after much deliberation, I decided to cancel my plans at the weekend (even though it meant letting someone else down), and head north to visit my family for the weekend.

And I’m so pleased I did. It was great to see for myself that my brother is recovering well from his operation, as well as getting to spend some time with my other brother, Sam, and getting the chance to look after mum and dad a bit. I know they all really appreciated my visit too. Making me even more grateful that I refocused my energy.

I hadn’t meant to leave it so long before I visited home. After my last visit in January, life just kinda happened, and time has a really bad habit of speeding by.

But it was good to take some time to refocus and reprioritise. It’s so easy to get caught up in life. But family come first, always. No matter how busy we get, it’s so important to remember to prioritise. And not to worry if you need time to refocus your energy and to reprioritise.

I’m heading back home again this coming weekend. However, with a hen party and a wedding reception to go to, it’s going to be another busy one. But I have kept Sunday free, so I can at least catch up with mum and dad again before I head back to London. And hopefully I’ll have a clear enough head to make the most of it!

Love or Loyalty?

Have you ever stopped to consider whether love or loyalty is more important to you?

I hadn’t.

However, it was a question raised by one of the guys in the office today, and it’s really got me thinking.

Most people in the office opted for loyalty. Without hesitation in most cases.

My initial reaction was that I want both. Why wouldn’t you? But, if I really had to chose, which would it be?

Could I continue to love someone even if they were unfaithful?

Could I remain loyal to someone if love starts to fade?

Would I want a future partner to be loyal even if his love for me fades? Would loyalty be enough?

I have been in relationships where the love has faded over time. You love each other, but your not in love. You end up simply existing with each other. Unhappy, but loyal.

I’ve also been in relationships, where the man has chosen loyal over love. I asked one of my ex boyfriends a very long time ago, whether anything would ever drive him to leave. His response was that even if he was unhappy he would stay.

My reaction back then possibly isn’t too dissimilar to what it would be now.

Why would you do that to yourself

Why would you stay with someone who didn’t make you smile?

Why would you want to stay with someone who was happy to just plod through life?

No excitement, no laughter. Just existing.

I’ve also had my fair share of heartache. When you love someone, and they don’t love you back, whether you’ve been together for months, years, or you’ve simply loved someone from afar; not getting that persons love back is enough to break the strongest heart.

But at least heartache makes you feel something. It reminds us we’re alive.

Funnily enough, those who have caused me the most heartache are the ones I remember most fondly. It’s those relationships where the love has faded that leave a bad taste in my mouth.

I can’t imagine there is a worse feeling than being cheated on. I suspect a couple of ex boyfriends have not been so loyal to me in the past. But never with enough evidence to rely on. And I am grateful for that. Maybe if I had concrete evidence, I would be fighting loyalty’s corner harder.

If you love someone so much, and found out they had cheated on you, would you forgive them? Or if not forgive, at least push to the back of your mind, because your loyalty for that person is so strong?

Believe it or not, I want loyalty to win. But is loyalty enough?

Ultimately, as human beings, we want to chose both. What greater feeling than having a loyal partner whom you love dearly, and is loyal and loving back.

Yet, we are also aware that finding love and loyalty isn’t always possible. Let’s not forget that in some cultures love isn’t deemed to be as important. Arranged marriages for example. Arranged by the couples families, for convenience, for wealth, for popularity. All before love.

For me, being in a relationship is about enhancing your life, not just making do.

If you no longer love me, I don’t want you to stay with me because it’s easier than breaking up with me, or because you’re happy to ‘make do’, or because it’s expected of us. Sod that!

Ultimately I want you to stay because you love me. With your heart, body and soul. And if you can’t do that? I don’t really need you.

What’s more important to you?

Love or Loyalty?

Positivity

Have you ever stopped to consider why you attract negative people into your life?

I have to admit, it’s something I have often made a habit of.

Not on purpose of course.

But time and time again, I would find myself attracting friends and partners who were negative and needy.

No matter how hard I tried to be positive when I was around them, I was fighting a losing battle.

Over the last 6-7 months, as I have started to change my own mindset, throwing myself into improving my own wellbeing and self care, I have noticed my energy levels change. My sparkle is brighter.

And as a consequence, I’m attracting other people who have a positive energy about them.

Spending time instead with people who, despite the troubled world we live in, who see the good in people, who make the most out of bad situations, and thrive on throwing themselves at life.

Even on days like yesterday, where I felt far from 100%, and woke up with a little bit of attitude, within an hour of being surrounded by positivity, I found myself grinning as wide as a Cheshire Cat, relaxing and, quite simply, enjoying the day.

The more positive we are about ourselves, our lives, and the environments we share, the more positive people will be drawn into our lives, leading us to a much happier existence.

Knife crime, dirty laundry, and self care

The last couple of weeks have made me realise just how important it is to have a self care bank.

If I hadn’t been able to cash in on some of my self care reserves, I definitely wouldn’t have got through it as well as I have.

Most of the drama that has unfolded, has been out of my hands.

Sadly we’re living in a city where knife crime is a reality. It’s almost becoming the norm. Yet twice, in the space of just a few days, knife crime got closer to home.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s my country bumpkin background that makes me more shockable when these things happen.

The guys I know who have lived in and around London for most of their lives, tend to just shrug it off and tell me ‘that’s life’. I guess this isn’t the first time they have dealt with knife and gang crime. It’s not like it’s a new problem, but with the news and social media platforms we use these days, perhaps it just seems worse because it’s talked about more.

Whatever’s going on, when it impacts people you know, as well as the work you do, it starts to feel like it’s getting a bit too close for comfort.

I’ve also still been having problems with my ex. I’m not going to air my dirty laundry on here, but it’s something I could do without.

I’m also trying to spend some time forging new, exciting friendships/relationships with people. It was one of the things I wanted to accomplish this year. It’s early days, but it’s kinda fun wondering whether these people are here for a reason, here for a season, or here for a lifetime.

I haven’t even had time to head home lately. Weekends have been filled with hen parties, friends and family visiting, and work. And there’s still more busy weekends to come.

I’m certainly not complaining, but my body and mind are starting to tell me I need some R&R.

Today, I listened to my body and did bugger all. After working all day on Saturday, I needed some time to just vegetate today. I only left the house to grab some food for dinner, and barely left the sofa. I used to hate days doing nothing. But I’ve learnt that when my body says rest, I need to listen to it, otherwise I run the risk of burning out.

Heading into a new week, I need to make sure I focus on getting back outside for some exercise, as well as creating some time to bank some more self care points, in order to replace those I have used over the last couple of weeks.

Fingers crossed for a more peaceful week ahead…

Sparkle

How do some people in life just simply make you sparkle? ✨

I guess we’re not just talking ordinary people.

These are people who see things that other people don’t see.

People who see deep into your soul.

People who on your darkest days, make you smile, laugh, and shine.

People who see you at your worst, but still tell you how good you look.

And when they see you at your best, they make you sparkle that bit more.

Being in their company makes you glow from the inside.

As well as the outside.

It’s such a special feeling, that even when you’re no longer in their company, you’re left with a feeling.

A feeling of excitement.

A feeling that makes you feel alive.

A feeling that makes you want to conquer the world.

Valentines

Happy Valentines to you my lovely followers ❤️.

Whether you’ve been celebrating today with your partners, your friends, or by yourself, I hope you’ve been kind to yourself today.

This is my first single valentines for a couple of years. So many singletons seem to dread the day. Quite frankly, even those in relationships often turn their noses up at the thought of it.

However, even as a thirty something singleton, I’ve been looking forward to today.

I may not have anyone to have a romantic night in (or out) with, but for me, today has been about celebrating self love.

Ok, so maybe I had a bit of a flirt here and there, but for the most part, I have been celebrating self love.

For possibly the first time in my life, I feel happy with who I am. I feel like a new person since my trip to Portugal. Even my colleagues have noticed a change. I feel lighter, happier.

My wellbeing and my happiness have become a priority. I have spent years trying to make others happy, making myself miserable in the process. But now, I finally realise the importance of self love.

If I love me for who I am, and make sure that I stay true to myself, if I find myself looking for romantic love again, there will be no changing me to make others happy from now on.

I have lost count of the times I have changed for other people. And all it’s done is caused me to lose my identity and to end up as miserable as sin.

I’m done with all that rubbish.

If you’re not going to love me for me, then you don’t deserve me, and you certainly won’t have a future with me.

So today, my friends, has been about celebrating my happiness, my freedom, and most importantly, celebrating finding love for myself.

And this evening, I have celebrated in my cosy little London flat, with my four legged friend, a bottle of wine, and a chocolate pudding.

And I’ve loved every minute ❤️❤️❤️