When you’ve spent much of your adult life in controlling, manipulative relationships, adjusting to ‘normal’ relationships can be challenging.

As much as I found myself desperate to get away from these negative behaviours, they almost became the ‘norm’. Life away from these behaviours was unknown and it has been difficult to adjust.

Thankfully, today, I find myself in a relationship with someone who couldn’t be further from controlling. But that, in turn, comes with its challenges.

Not having those controlling, manipulative elements in my new relationship, is refreshing, freeing, and much healthier, yet getting used to being with someone who doesn’t want to know where I am all the time (and who I’m with), who doesn’t expect me to be in contact with him all day everyday, who gives me my own space to do to my own thing, is harder to get used to than I expected it to be.

Whilst I love being ‘free’, I’ve had a few moments recently, where I started to question why he doesn’t message me all the time, and why we don’t spend more time together. I also find it hard not to question where he is, and who he is with, because history not only allowed my partners to control me, but some of those traits also ended up rubbing off on me.

Thankfully he is very understanding and patient with me.

I do however need to make sure I continue to work on my insecurities. I would hate for my past relationships to indirectly destroy the happy relationship I now find myself in.

Although we make sure we give each other space (after all, we are two grown ups who have our own interests, different work patterns, and different demands on our time), when we do spend time together, it’s fun, light and full of happiness.

What’s really important, is that time spent with him gives me that all important sparkle


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