I’m not gonna lie, being single at 40 feels different.

When I found myself single at 30, I started a new adventure and moved to London. Dating wasn’t difficult in the city. In fact, I found dating a lot easier than making friends.

But when I became single again at the beginning of this year, after almost 5 years in a relationship, singledom felt different.

The Decision to Stay Single This Year

But, I made up my mind early on that I was going to spend this year single.

I’ve had my share of long-term relationships throughout my 20s and 30s. But I’ve never left much of a gap between each one.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those girls who NEEDS to be in a relationship. That’s definitely not me. I’ve always put it down to looking so happy being single after coming out of another ‘dodgy’ relationship that I naturally attracted the next man that came along.

My last relationship was one of the best I’ve been in, so I knew I needed to give myself the time to grieve my relationship and do some work on myself.

New Town, New Challenges

It’s not been easy. Moving to a new part of the country during the summer was a fantastic distraction. But there have been evenings, especially recently, now it’s dark earlier, where I’ve really missed company.

As we approach the end of the year, my mind has started to think about what dating in my 40s might be like.

Having moved to a new town, further away from family and away from friends too, I’ve put myself in a weird situation. If I’m going to meet someone naturally, I probably need to put myself out there and make some friends first.

The alternative is downloading dating apps…something I swore I wouldn’t do again. Yet, I’ve already found myself downloading one, albeit ‘just to see what’s out there’, and it hasn’t filled me with confidence.

Navigating the Complexities of Dating in Your 40s

A lot of men around my age (and older!) have added the dreaded words ‘wants children’ to their profile. And at my age, it’s highly likely that that won’t happen, especially when I’m fairly certain I’m perimenopausal (although that’s not the only reason!).

I am, however, open to dating men who have kids of their own. I love being around kids, and think I would be a pretty cool Step-Mum. And I would be crazy to think that at my age, I would be able to find someone without a pre-made tribe. But that means, coming to terms with someone having had a pretty significant chunk of life before me. I mean, that’s not necessarily new to me, but it’s just more likely they will have kids and an ex-significant other, than not.

I also haven’t dated for a very long time now, and that also scares me. Like, what do people even talk about these days? I’m not sure I have the energy for dating that I used to have, and the thought of going on countless dates, having the same conversations and then being in that grey area where you don’t know where you stand…And now I live in a small town rather than a big city, how do I date without making the town gossip?

As I get older, I’ve also appreciated my own company a lot more. And it will be hard to readjust to having someone encroach on my time and space again.

What will 2025 look like for this single 40 something

But, I know these are all hurdles I’m going to have to get over if I want to date again. And I do miss being in a relationship. I miss hugs and having someone to chat to. It would be great to find someone to join me on fun adventures.

Who knows what 2025 will bring. In the meantime, I’ve got work to do on myself before I’m fully ready to put myself back out there.

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