I feel kinda weird writing this post, but wanted to explain my absence over the last few weeks.

It’s been hard to find the right words so as not to cause any further hurt. But, since I started my blog, I have found it a really useful way to process my thoughts. It’s my way of opening up rather than keeping things in.

I had known from the start of the year that 2018 was going to be a challenging time. It was going to test me and my relationship on every level.

They say that big events in life either make or break a couple. They bring you closer together, or you drift further apart.

Drifting Apart

This time, it sadly resulted in us drifting apart.

I hated having to have the conversation so close to Christmas. It’s one of my favourite times of the year. But this year, I knew I was losing my spark. My festive spirit had gone, and it resulted in me resenting my relationship even more because of it.

No Easy Time for Goodbye

Christmas or not, I don’t think there is ever an easy time to finish something you know is not working. It was making me miserable. I knew that if I dragged it out, it was going to be harder to find happy ‘me’ again.

Spending Christmas Apart

It was hard leaving him in London as I made the journey to Northampton to spend Christmas with my family. We had originally planned to spend time with my parents together. Instead, he would be spending Christmas alone in our flat whilst I found comfort with friends and family.

We have continued to live together over the past few weeks which has made things difficult at times. But I really don’t think either of us had the energy to sort out living arrangements so close to Christmas.

Rebuilding Myself

I’d be lying if I said that heading to Northampton for the holidays hadn’t been needed. It seemed to take so long to get there, but I was grateful to finally hit the motorway on Saturday. It’s been nice to reflect and remember the good times. But it’s also been an opportunity to start rebuilding myself.

I’m not sure what the New Year has in store for me. I’m just taking one day at a time.

My heart hasn’t been where it should’ve been for the last year. So now it’s time to start thinking about what I want. Not just in my heart but in my head too.

Moving Forward

I know I still have a lot to learn about myself.

Over the last few months, I have become more aware of the need to look after myself. Self-care is becoming increasingly important to me, and certainly something I want to explore more in the year ahead.

I have no hard feelings towards him. Our relationship had simply run its course.

But for now, it’s time for me to strap in, and start preparing for the next chapter of my life.