This post was originally published on 12th September 2018 and updated on 10th February 2024.

If nothing else, the last 12 years have taught me how important it is to find a way to embrace life after loss.

Living for today doesn’t always seem possible in ‘normal’ circumstances, let alone after loss. Especially when we’re wrapped up in the Mon-Fri regime of work, eat, sleep, repeat. And then throw in those moments when we become so consumed in thoughts of the future or the past that we simply forget to be present.

But now and again, we receive a little reminder of the importance of getting out there, living life and being present.

Sometimes reminders come in the shape of a conversation with a friend, the loss of a loved one or a major life change. Sometimes we just need that trigger to remind us that life is short. Life (and time) is too precious to simply exist.

I spent the first 28 years of my life plodding along.

Don’t get me wrong, life wasn’t exactly dull. I thought I was enjoying life and had some great experiences. But I just found myself floating through each day, never stopping to think about where I had been or where I was going. I know this contradicts my point about forgetting to live in the now, but I wasn’t doing that either. I was just existing.

Lessons from loss

That was until 12 years ago when I received a phone call that would change my life.

At 28 years old, my best friend had taken a fatal overdose.

Our friendship was different to any other friendship I have experienced. We didn’t have loads in common, but we put a lot of effort into maintaining our friendship.

Even when we went our separate ways for University, my friend chose to study Medicine on the South Coast, while I stayed in Northampton to study Geography and Third World Development. We would regularly call or email each other.

One of the things that meant the most to us were the letters we would write to each other. Proper letters using pens and paper and envelopes and stamps. We loved writing to each other. It’s probably the time we were most open with each other. My friend had suffered with her mental health for as long as I had known her. She would sometimes open up about stuff in her letters, which could make for difficult reading. But face to face, for the most part, you would never have known she was suffering inside. Not that she pulled the wool over my eyes. I got pretty good at reading between the lines.

I knew when my mobile phone rang that day that something was wrong. The phone number on the screen was that of my friend’s parents and not her mobile number which she would normally call me from. She never called me on her parent’s number.

The last time I saw her alive, she seemed so completely different. She was really happy and at peace with the world. I think she knew then what she was going to do. She knew that was the last time we would see each other.

The catalyst for change

I knew that life wouldn’t be the same again after that phone call.

Within the next 18 months, I also lost both my Nanna’s and my childhood best friend, Robert. Too many people were being taken from me too soon.

I didn’t realise back then just how much life was going to change.

I’m not particularly religious, but looking back I could see a clear path had been carved out for me. So many things happened in my life in a short space of time, which ultimately led to me saying yes to new opportunities and eventually making the move from Northampton to London, where I now live.

Before my friend passed, we spent many a weekend in London, shopping, going to shows, or just walking around the wonderful food markets that grace London’s streets.

I find comfort in living in London now, with so many good memories from our time spent together there.

Embracing life fully

I would’ve loved for us to navigate our 30s together. And who knows what trouble we would be getting up to in our 40s. But losing her taught me the most valuable of lessons – embrace life fully, be present, and most importantly, say yes to new adventures!

I know she would be proud of the person I have become, and even more proud that I am living life and making the most of every experience that comes my way.

Sometimes are easier to live than others. I still have days that are more difficult to be present than others. But I know my friend would want me to carry on living, and to embrace life after loss.

If you’re reading this and feel like you too are just floating through life, don’t wait for tragedy to strike before you make changes. Go out there and do something about it today. Take charge of your life. Work on yourself. Find your true purpose in life. Live.

But if you are struggling, there is help out there. Charities such as Mind have been a great source of help for me over the year. I also wrote a follow up post which you will find here.

Share your insights or experiences in the comments below. Let’s navigate embracing life after loss together.