Last August, a week before I was due to move house, my boss gathered the senior management team on a call and told us we were all at risk of redundancy. Or in official terms, our jobs were at risk.

I had two choices:

1. Stay and fight for a new role
2. Or leave an organisation I’d been with for just over five years, and an industry I had been in for almost fifteen.

For me, it was an easy decision.

Despite the global pandemic unfolding around us, I’d been unhappy in my role for some time. I cared passionately about the business and the people I worked with, but the job no longer gave me any satisfaction. I was slowly turning into a mood hoover.

And, I’m a firm believer in trusting your gut.

As soon as the call ended, I knew it was time to go.

There were four whole months between that phone call and my final day. During that time, I focused on tying up loose ends and planning my next steps.

Why Redundancy Doesn’t Scare Me

In early September, I wrote a blog post called Why Redundancy Doesn’t Scare Me. The short version? I get excited by change, and I love a new beginning (feel free to read the entire post for the slightly longer version). At the time, I was also in a relatively stable place in life, which made the experience less daunting. I didn’t have a mortgage (although I did have rent and bills), and I had no children to support. So while being out of work didn’t scare me, I fully recognise that my circumstances played a big part in that.

What I hadn’t considered during those final four months was how I would actually feel once I left the organisation.

Feeling Lost

I spent the first part of this year feeling completely out of sorts, without really understanding why. 

On paper, I had so much to be grateful for. Lockdown restrictions were easing. I was throwing myself into my new business. Life was moving forward.

And yet, I felt awful at times.

At best, I felt lost, lonely and confused.

At worst, I felt angry, let down and betrayed.

It wasn’t until I read an article in a magazine earlier this week that I began to understand what I’d really been experiencing. 

Broken-Hearted

Being made redundant felt like going through a bad breakup.

So many of the emotions I was feeling mirrored grief.

As much as I’d had time to prepare practically for leaving my senior management career, how do you even begin to prepare emotionally for something you’ve never experienced before?

The irony is, I had plenty of people around me who I could’ve asked for advice from. But I hadn’t connected the dots. I didn’t realise my feelings were tied to losing my job.

Instead, life after redundancy coincided with the UK entering its third lockdown. I was fed up with feeling trapped and unable to see family and friends, so it became easy to blame lockdown for everything.

The Grieving Process

I can’t put all the blame on redundancy. Lockdown certainly had a part to play. But navigating both at the same time has been bloody difficult.

I’m not writing this post to give you the answers to any of this. Sadly, I don’t have all the answers yet. But when/if I do, I’ll certainly share them with you. 

What I do know is that reading that magazine article lifted some of the weight from my shoulders. It’s helped me name what I was feeling. Denial, anger, depression and acceptance are just some of the familiar stages of grief.

The irony, of course, is that the magazine with the said article in it has been sitting in my flat since January. Had I read it sooner, I might’ve saved myself months of unnecessary anxiety.

But perhaps I wasn’t ready to see it.

One thing I’ve learned is that, much like a breakup, or even the loss of a loved one, there are no hard and fast rules about how long grief should last. 

Over five years, I poured everything I had into working for that company. There’s been a ridiculous amount of blood, sweat and tears. And quite frankly, they don’t deserve any more of it (clearly I’m still at the bitter stage 😂).

Whilst I’m drawing a line under the grieving process today, I think it’s important to ride this particular wave, but I am going to mark today as the moment I begin focusing less on the past and more on the present.

Does this resonate with you? 

I’d love to hear from you on the subject of redundancy.

Have you experienced redundancy? Supported someone through it? What emotions came up for you? Did you allow yourself time and space to grieve? How did you begin to move forward?

If you’ve enjoyed this post, why not sign up to my monthly wellbeing newsletter?