Earlier this year, I shared some information with someone whom at the time, I thought I could trust. Someone I classed as a good friend. It turns out I was wrong on both accounts.
As with so many things in life, I learnt the hard way.
Not only did this make me question who I could trust, it also made me think about how much I tell other people.
I pride myself on being open and honest. But are there times when less is more?
When my so called friend betrayed my trust, my initial reaction was to confront her. But in the end I chose not to. She clearly didn’t care about my feelings, and confronting her wasn’t going to make it hurt any less.
Was she wrong to do what she did? 100%!
But was she really to blame? Did the blame actually lie with me, for providing her with too much information in the first place? Did I trust her too easily?
It wasn’t the first time I had told someone too much.
But it was the first time the consequences had caused someone else so much pain and heartache. And that‘s something I don’t ever want to go through again.
Something needed to change.
So I’ve started to take a different approach.
Being able to distinguish between acquaintances, friends, and close friends before divulging information is key. And knowing that I don’t have to answer every question thrown my way, or if I do chose to respond, it’s ok to be vague. Not everyone needs to know everything.
I’m becoming more conscious about who I‘m in conversation with and trying to engage brain before vocal chords, thinking about who I’m talking to before opening my mouth.
And it’s making a huge difference to my life.
It feels strangely empowering to actually keep things private.
Sadly, it’s making me more aware of ’friends’ who are only interested in gossip. I started to realise there are people out there who thrive off other people’s mishaps, misfortune and general unhappiness. They become less interested in you when there is no juicy gossip to be had, or no obvious drama in your life.
It’s also made me realise that my close circle is smaller than I thought. But I’m ok with that. I’d rather have a small, trustworthy circle whom I can lean on and trust, than people who will stab me in the back at the earliest opportunity.
Being honest as a writer
It does make me question how honest to be in my blogs moving forwards.
One of the things my readers have admired most about my posts, is my honesty.
I guess the question, or the challenge, is whether I can still write an honest post, whilst not telling everyone everything, and therefore maintaining a degree of privacy…
As for me and my ‘friend’, we haven’t spoken since. I don’t know if she knows that I know, but something tells me she does. She definitely won’t be on my Christmas card list.
As much as I may have been to blame for telling her too much, if you use me (or my friends) or break my trust, then I quite simply, do not need you in my life.
I’d love to know what you think
I would love to know what you think about being honest as a blogger. Are you completely transparent with your readers? Or do you somehow manage to maintain a degree of privacy?
Have you ever trusted a friend who has then proven to be untrustworthy? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.