Honesty

A few months ago I wrote a blog post called Love or Loyalty? For me, without love, there is no purpose.

However, since writing the post, I have wondered if actually love and loyalty aren’t the most important thing in a relationship. Maybe the key to a happy, long lasting relationship is in fact honesty.

I recently started seeing someone. A couple of weeks ago after a beautiful morning together, I asked him a question. It was something that had been playing on my mind, but I could never find the right time to ask.

However, something about our perfectly beautiful morning together, gave me the courage I needed to ask.

I could see that my question had surprised him. He was unable to answer straight away (yet somehow this gave me my answer before he even spoke). He was clearly torn as to whether to be honest or whether to lie.

Thankfully he decided to be honest.

He knew that by being honest, I wouldn’t get the answer I wanted to hear. He didn’t want to upset me, or cause me any hurt, but I think he knew he needed to be honest with me.

He considered keeping the truth from me. I knew that from his initial silence, as well as the grown up conversation we had afterwards.

But, instead, he told me the truth. As slow, warm tears rolled down my cheeks, he immediately regretted telling the truth.

As much as it caused me some hurt that day, by the time evening came, I was pleased he had found the courage to tell me the truth. His honesty made my heart and soul much happier.

It had made him feel like shit, and I still had a decision to make, but at least I could do this with the facts laid out in front of me.

Had he not told me the truth, our beautiful bubble may not have burst. Yet if I had found out the truth much later on, this would’ve been far worse for our relationship.

Although our initial bubble burst, I decided that the information I now had, would not ruin what we had started. In some ways, his honesty brought us closer together, and made us both realise we had something that we wanted to fight for.

Which thankfully lead to a new bubble being created.

Recently, I went to a friends wedding. I spent most of the day talking to a couple I have known for a number of years, about the concept of love and loyalty.

It was my friends husband (D) who said it wasn’t love or loyalty that kept him and K together (although clearly they are still in love with each other, even after 20+ years of marriage!). He said that honesty was the key, and K agreed.

They have such a refreshing approach to their marriage and their relationship.

They openly admire other people in front of one another (even pointing out to each other when they see someone in the street the other might like!). Yet neither of them have strayed, or been tempted to stray. They have a refreshingly honest approach to their marriage, with K saying that if D ever strayed, she could never put the entire blame on him, taking the view that if he was ever tempted, then she would have no choice than to accept some share of the blame.

Social media does not help honesty in our relationships these days. With so many opportunities to misbehave behind peoples backs, it is easy to see why many people are becoming more and more disillusioned with love.

I have lost count of the number of men who appear to be happily married, who have sent me late night messages over the last 6 months! Two in particular were clearly going through difficult times at home. As much as I was flattered by the attention, nobody likes to be used when things get tough at home! It seems as if it is far easier these days to be unfaithful than it is to be honest with our nearest and dearest.

For me, lying is one of the worst offences you can commit in a relationship. Being honest with each other, even when you have done wrong, shows strength and courage. Yes, it might cause hurt and pain, and comes with great risk, but I would take that any day over lies

My advice for what it’s worth, is to let people know where they stand, so they can make their own choices.

Old Fashioned Romance with a Modern Day Twist

I love being single, but that doesn’t stop me looking forward to being in love again. Although, I have to admit, and if you have read some of my earlier blog posts, you may have already worked out that I’m not actually too good at this love malarkey.

Falling for the wrong men is becoming quite the speciality of mine. From Nigerian con men, men who’s visas are about to expire, men posing online as soldiers from the US Army, men (some married, and some not) who want me as their naughty little secret or their bit of fun, and that’s not to mention the control freaks. Oh, and on top of that, there’s the best friend who I spent the best part of 4 years falling in and out of love with! You name it, I’ve done it and got the bloody T-shirt.

I’ve had my fair share of disastrous relationships.

Yet none of this has made me to give up on love.

I’m a hopeless romantic. A proper fictional romance book/rom com movie romantic.

Think Emma Thompson in Last Chance Harvey, Sandra Bullock in While you were Sleeping, Julia Roberts in My Best Friend’s Wedding, or even Steve Carrell in Dan in Real Life.

Although, in reality, what I actually want is old fashioned romance with a modern day twist.

I’m definitely not a ball and chain kinda girl.

I’m too much of a free spirit these days for you to be able to chain me to the kitchen sink, or for you to expect me to do everything you want to do.

I love spending time by myself.

I actually enjoy my own company (something my younger self would never have dreamt I would say!)

I love waking up at the weekend or on my days off, and doing what I want to do.

I love the freedom of being able to book holidays to far off places I want to visit, just because I have an itch that needs to be scratched.

When I fall in love again, I want it to be the kind of love where we share special times together, but equally lead our own separate lives, doing what makes us happy. Sometimes that might involve holidays together, other times it might mean travelling to places on our own, or with friends. Sometimes there will be weekends spent together, other times, it may not.

I’m done with claustrophobic love. The kinda love where you feel you have to spend every waking moment with someone. The kinda love where you do everything together, but end up with nothing to talk about because you have no new experiences to talk of, except for those you have shared together.

In my dream world, you might live next door to me, but not live with me.

It’s funny how as we get older our views on relationships change. Maybe as we get older we become more selfish. Or maybe we simply become more realistic.

Long gone are the days where I feel a relationship should complete me.

I had that all wrong.

What’s important is that you learn to love yourself.

To love your life.

So that when someone else does come along, they don’t take your life and your love for yourself away from you. Instead, they enhance you. They enhance your life.

Valentines

Happy Valentines to you my lovely followers ❤️.

Whether you’ve been celebrating today with your partners, your friends, or by yourself, I hope you’ve been kind to yourself today.

This is my first single valentines for a couple of years. So many singletons seem to dread the day. Quite frankly, even those in relationships often turn their noses up at the thought of it.

However, even as a thirty something singleton, I’ve been looking forward to today.

I may not have anyone to have a romantic night in (or out) with, but for me, today has been about celebrating self love.

Ok, so maybe I had a bit of a flirt here and there, but for the most part, I have been celebrating self love.

For possibly the first time in my life, I feel happy with who I am. I feel like a new person since my trip to Portugal. Even my colleagues have noticed a change. I feel lighter, happier.

My wellbeing and my happiness have become a priority. I have spent years trying to make others happy, making myself miserable in the process. But now, I finally realise the importance of self love.

If I love me for who I am, and make sure that I stay true to myself, if I find myself looking for romantic love again, there will be no changing me to make others happy from now on.

I have lost count of the times I have changed for other people. And all it’s done is caused me to lose my identity and to end up as miserable as sin.

I’m done with all that rubbish.

If you’re not going to love me for me, then you don’t deserve me, and you certainly won’t have a future with me.

So today, my friends, has been about celebrating my happiness, my freedom, and most importantly, celebrating finding love for myself.

And this evening, I have celebrated in my cosy little London flat, with my four legged friend, a bottle of wine, and a chocolate pudding.

And I’ve loved every minute ❤️❤️❤️