Recently, as a guest on Shoreditch Radio, I was asked whether I thought London was a lonely place to live (click here to check out the interview from 36:18!).

I’ve suffered from great waves of loneliness over the last few years. Lockdown certainly played a big part in my loneliness, but did living in London also contribute?

Work, Eat, Sleep, Repeat

City life can certainly play a part in how difficult it can be to make new friends. 

I’ve been living in London for 5 years, and until recently, I found myself in a challenging job role. I wasworking long hours in a stressful environment. I often found myself working late just to keep my head above water. Add in evening meetings and travelling across London on busy public transport, life was a cycle of work, eat, sleep, repeat. 

I was spending a lot of time with colleagues, but we were all in the same boat.

Feeling lonely wasn’t because I didn’t have people around me. I was lonely because all I had in my life at that point was work. My job had become an unwanted, unsociable curse. 

I regularly visited London’s parks on sunny weekends in a bid to lift my spirits. Yet watching groups of friends laughing in the sun made me feel even lonelier. 

You could argue that I had time to meet and make new friends over the weekends. But when the weekend arrived, I had no energy.

Feeling Lonely in Lockdown

When the pandemic arrived, I think the first lockdown was a little bit of a novelty for many of us. That sounds a bit twisted, but we were all thrown into a new situation, where events were changing daily. There was a strange sense of anxious excitement as we adjusted to a ‘new normal’. In some ways, I guess it felt like a new adventure. 

The weather during the first lockdown was beautiful, and work was quiet. Despite being away from family and friends, I made the most out of the first lockdown. I spent hours digesting the news, working out, and sitting on my terrace enjoying the sun. I loved being away from the office and getting to spend more time focusing on my health and wellbeing. 

When Disaster Strikes

In August, I was in between flats after deciding to move to suburbia, when life took an unexpected twist. After being reassured for months by the CEO that financially, the company wasn’t at risk, my job was now at risk of redundancy. 

Moving house and trying to decide what I was going to do about my job during a global pandemic was insane looking back on it. 

At the time, everything kind of made sense:

A) I was moving to a flat with cheaper rent which with job uncertainty was a godsend 

B) Would I ever be handed a better opportunity to get out of a job that had taken its toll on my mental health and wellbeing over the last few years and to find something which would bring me much more happiness?

A Leap of Faith

After deciding to leave my company and not reapply for any new roles on offer, I decided to take a leap of faith and become self-employed. 

When I made this decision, we were on our way out of a second lockdown. I was super excited at the thought of following my passion as a writer for a living, and the fact I would be able to work anywhere filled me with so much excitement. Whether I wanted to work in a coffee shop by the river, in Northampton as I visited friends and family, or even in another country, I would be able to take my work and work anywhere I liked. 

What I hadn’t taken into consideration was the prospect of heading into a third lockdown and spending the first 4+ months of my freelance career staring at the four blank walls of my rented suburban flat. 

The loneliness was real. I had the company of my very patient boyfriend, but he wasn’t here to amuse me every day. Whilst he was with me, I would feel far from lonely. However, the moment he left, I felt a sense of loneliness like never before. 

Resentment

Looking back now, I think there was also a sense of resentment as his life looked a lot more ‘normal’ than mine did. He was able to go into his office if he needed or wanted to. Other aspects of his job meant he was able to get back out and see people, and other than wearing a mask and having to socially distance, his life was very much getting back on track.

Throughout the third lockdown, we were able to go out and meet one other person outdoors. Yet, I found myself with nobody to meet as travel across the country was still limited. On top of this sense of loneliness, I felt trapped and claustrophobic. 

Reflections on Feeling Lonely

The last couple of weeks have been a bit of an eye-opener for me as I’ve realised the following:

• Making new friends is no longer an option. It’s a necessity
• Although I love to spend time by myself, I also need to be around people
• I’m the best version of myself when I have options. I hate to feel trapped and I need the freedom to be impulsive if I have my brave pants on that day
• Freelancing is awesome until you’re amid a pandemic, and then it really can suck.

I don’t have the magic answers to overcoming loneliness. But what I have discovered over the last couple of weeks is that life is so much better with people in it. Being able to meet family members again, and even attending a small outdoor event and meeting some lovely new people, it’s given me some of me back. 

And going back to the radio hosts question, ‘Can London be a lonely place to live?‘, the answer is, yes, it can be. But not because it’s London. I’ve made London a lonely place for myself. Working long unsociable hours, and not putting myself out there to meet new like-minded people has made me feel lonely. 

So here’s to life returning to some normality, a new, flexible career, and a desire to meet new people. I’m excited to see where this new chapter leads. 

I’d love to hear about your experience on this subject. Have you ever suffered from loneliness? What did you do to overcome this?