Have you ever stopped to consider why you attract negative people into your life?
I have to admit, it’s something I have often made a habit of.
Not on purpose of course.
But time and time again, I would find myself attracting friends and partners who were negative and needy.
No matter how hard I tried to be positive when I was around them, I was fighting a losing battle.
Over the last 6-7 months, as I have started to change my own mindset, throwing myself into improving my own wellbeing and self care, I have noticed my energy levels change. My sparkle is brighter.
And as a consequence, I’m attracting other people who have a positive energy about them.
Spending time instead with people who, despite the troubled world we live in, who see the good in people, who make the most out of bad situations, and thrive on throwing themselves at life.
Even on days like yesterday, where I felt far from 100%, and woke up with a little bit of attitude, within an hour of being surrounded by positivity, I found myself grinning as wide as a Cheshire Cat, relaxing and, quite simply, enjoying the day.
The more positive we are about ourselves, our lives, and the environments we share, the more positive people will be drawn into our lives, leading us to a much happier existence.
I’d be lying if I said I was looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.
But, I’m not sitting around dreading it either.
I’ve never had a dream job. Even as a kid, I had no idea what I wanted to do. Whilst I was at school, trying to decide whether to go to university or not, I didn’t know what course I wanted to do, because I had no idea what I might want to do in the future. By the time I left university, I still had no idea.
It’s taken 35 years for me to start figuring out what i’d really like to do.
Although, looking back, there were times when I toyed with the idea, I just didn’t know how to get there.
I guess part of me has always thought that a dream job, was just that. A dream. Not achievable for those of us who are just ‘ordinary’ people.
But why should it stay as a dream? Why not chase after it?
Whilst I was walking along one of the Algarve’s many beaches last week, it struck me that I finally know what I would like to do.
It may not happen over night. It may even come under a slightly different guise.
But what I do know, is that it feels right to chase after it. To throw (almost) everything into trying to achieve it.
It’s not going to be easy, as I still need to earn a wage while I’m chasing my dream. There will be some multi tasking, hard work and lot’s of juggling involved. But I need to make sure I dedicate some time to focus on my plan for the future.
However hard it might be to chase my dreams, everything seems to be pointing me in this direction. And the difference this time, is that I really do feel ready to work hard for it. I want to do something that gives my life more meaning. To wake up each morning looking forward to going to work. To look forward to going back to work after a week off.
So you may be asking yourself why I’m not dreading work tomorrow? And the answer? I have a plan. Which is ironic. Because I’m rubbish at planning anything outside of my occasional social life. I am slowly but surely, creating a plan, and starting to work towards achieving my dream.
And that makes going back to work tomorrow, all the more bearable.
It’s funny how sometimes it’s the smallest new tips or habits that can really change how we feel and deal with situations.
For me, being quite newly aware of self-care and wellbeing, I’m constantly learning new methods to try and experiment with.
Some stick, others don’t. But I know my self-care journey is all about working out what works best for me. What helps me to unwind, stay calm, but to also stay focused on chasing my dreams.
This week, my self-care tip of the week is….drum roll please…🥁🥁🥁…a good old shower!
Now, before you think I’m crazy/smelly/massively unhygienic, hear me out.
I shower everyday. I can’t function without having a shower in the morning to set me up for the day. If I don’t shower and wash my hair, I feel uncomfortable, dirty and unable to focus, particularly if I am at work.
In the summer, or when on holiday, I will often shower twice a day.
But, I had never thought about showering twice a day on a normal day.
After reading about the power of the shower at the weekend, it got me thinking.
The idea is not only to wash off the days work, but to help transition the mind from work mode to home mode, in turn, helping the mind and body to relax, and hopefully enabling a more enjoyable evening, and a much better nights sleep.
So I decided to give it a try.
Monday evening, I came home from work, cooked, and then took a shower. The shower felt heavenly after a day in the office. Afterwards I swapped all of the clothes I had been wearing that day (including my underwear and even my socks) for my comfy joggers and a baggy sweatshirt. I still had work to do, but by showering after dinner, I was then focused on only completing work tasks I had to do, without letting it bog me down and/or getting side tracked. I even had time to catch up on some reading before I fell asleep, and slept like a baby.
Last night, I followed a similar ritual, and again, had a really good nights sleep.
Today I finished work a little bit earlier than normal. I had already decided to have a work free evening, after two long working days earlier in the week. As soon as I got home, I showered. After travelling across London today on the underground and buses, I felt particularly grimy. I stood under the shower for ages enjoying the feeling of the water against my skin, washing away the days dirt, and completely freeing my mind of work. I even had a little chuckle to myself over how good it made me feel.
The other thing I am keen to see if it impacts, is the difference in my skin. As an adult, I have often suffered with lousy skin. I never really had problem skin as a teenager, but as soon as I lived with someone who smoked in my 20s, my skin has never been the same since. To cover my bad skin, I wear make up. But by showering when I get home from work, instead of just washing my face before bedtime, I’m not only washing off the grime, but also my make-up. I’m also making sure I don’t reapply my make up again that evening, in the hope that my skin will get a longer period of time to breathe before I reapply my foundation before work the next morning.
So far, although I am aware that showering twice a day is less kind to the environment (I am having a much shorter shower in the evening than I am first thing in the morning), and may impact my water bills, I have noticed real benefits to my wellbeing by showering twice a day. Not only do I feel cleaner, but my mind is also more relaxed in the evenings, and I am sleeping better than I have done for ages.
Have you ever been known to choose the wrong partner at a time when you are feeling lost?
Perhaps at a time when you have been suffering from low self esteem, you fall for someone who ends up making your self esteem even worse? Or equally as bad, you fall for someone who wants to control you?
I seem to fall into this trap time and time again.
I have actually lost count of the number of relationships I have been in whereby I have come out of them feeling worse about myself than I had before the relationship had begun.
It’s time to change this crazy pattern of behaviour.
I am making a commitment to you, my lovely readers, that I am going to do everything within my power, to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
No doubt you are asking yourselves how I am going to achieve this, especially when I have just confessed that my history goes against this.
The difference this time, is the fact that I am on a path of self discovery.
I am learning what makes me happy, what makes me laugh, what makes me smile, and what brings joy to my soul. I am learning what makes me tick. I am learning to notice when I need to be around people, and when I need time to be alone. I am finding new ways to improve my wellbeing and to be more mindful in my day to day, and not just when I am feeling close to burning out. I am learning to look after my mind and to also look after my body more.
I am learning that I don’t need a boyfriend to complete me.
When I am ready to love again, I am hopeful, that because I am happy with myself and who I am, that the person I meet will be happy with themselves too. It will then be time to take another journey, learning how we can work together to bring out the best in each other. To encourage one another to be the best person they can be, without jealousy creeping in or the need to control one another.
Whilst I have made a good start down the path of self discovery, I am nowhere near the end yet. I’m not even sure I am even anywhere near the middle.
But what I do know, is that I am excited by this journey, and I have already learnt a great deal about myself.
Do I sometimes wish I had started this journey sooner? Of course I do. But I am also aware, that I was not ready to make this journey until now.
After the wobbles of last week, it’s been a beautifully chilled weekend.
Whilst some of the immediate work pressures have been lessened, there is a lot to do over the next few months, with lot’s of evening meetings coming up.
I knew I needed to get some self-care bonus points in the bag to help get me through the next couple of weeks.
The first thing I did this weekend was to get my haircut.
Whilst I’m trying to budget carefully at the moment while I get used to the extra expense of renting the flat on my own, there are some things I’m not prepared to scrimp on.
Getting my haircut at my favourite salon is one of them. It took me ages to find a hairdresser I liked after I moved to London. In fact, half the time I ended up traveling back to Northampton to get my hair cut at the salon around the corner from mum and dads house.
I find some hairdressers so stuffy. I always feel so uncomfortable when the hairdressers are overly manicured and immaculately dressed. Thankfully my hairdresser in London is lovely and normal. We spend most of my appointment chatting about the great outdoors as opposed to gossiping.
I spent Saturday afternoon catching up with some housework and found some time to bake a banana and chocolate chip loaf to put in the freezer, ready to devour next time I have friends or family come to stay.
I woke a few times last night (thanks to my delightful cat who decided to play with her toys right outside my bedroom, and then tried to sit behind my head on my pillow 🙈), and had hoped to sleep in, but my cat was having none of that either.
So I decided to get up and make the most of my early start. By 9 o’clock I had my running kit on and was heading out for an early jog. It was so nice to be out and about whilst London was still half asleep. The park was empty except for the odd runner and a few sports teams starting to warm up before kick off. Every time I go out, I’m able to run a bit further, and my body is loving the exercise. I used to convince myself that walking was enough, but I realise now that it’s not. Walkings obviously good for you, but getting my heart racing, breaking out into a sweat and noticing the difference in how my body feels, is fantastic. It’s giving me so much more energy throughout the day, as well as helping me to sleep better.
After my jog, I carried on my workout at home, by cooling down, and lifting some weights. This time last year, I noticed my arms had got really big (and not in a muscly kinda way). That’s when I first realised how much weight I had piled on. Whilst I haven’t lost as much flab from my upper arms as I would like, they are slightly more toned. Hopefully now with jogging and eating better, hopefully it won’t be long until they start to look more how I would like them too.
I’m super pleased that I booked my holiday before Christmas, as this is giving me extra motivation at the moment to keep exercising, knowing its only a few weeks until I fly out to Portugal. On top of that, two of my best friends get married in the first half of the year, a month apart, so with two hen parties and two weddings after my holiday, I’m hoping that will give me the motivation I need to keep me focused on my new eating and exercise regime well into the summer months.
After my workout I decided to get some more self-care in the bank, with some pampering.
My brother always buys me really good beauty products for my birthday and Christmas. A couple of years ago he brought me Ren Flash Rinse 1 minute facial which has become one of my staple beauty products. It is what it says on the tube, a 1 minute facial. So even when time is short, there is no excuse not to treat my skin.
With my workout and pampering complete, it was time to head off to Westfield to do some much needed pre-holiday shopping. Thankfully, I had some vouchers to use, so I came away with some lovely new holiday clothes without suffering from buyers guilt.
I then made it back home in time to pop outside to my terrace before it got dark, to see what state my plants were in. I love gardening, but as soon as the winter weather creeps in, I tend to neglect my poor plants. But it was lovely to get out there this afternoon to tidy up and deadhead the plants that haven’t realised it’s winter yet. A perfect way to end the afternoon.
So after a topsy turvy week, it’s been a productive weekend, with lot’s of self-care. I’d love to sit here and say I’m ready for that week ahead. Whilst my body maybe, my mind would really like another day or two at home not worrying about work. But at least I’m getting closer to my Algarve Adventure ✈️☀️🏖
Slightly later than anticipated, but Happy New Year to you all. I hope you had a lovely Christmas and a great start to the New Year.
2019 got off to a slightly strange start.
I had a lovely Christmas back home with my family.
Despite my recent breakup, I was looking forward to getting back to London.
I was excited to be moving my cat down to London with me. I have had my little four legged creature for about 5/6 years now. She had been living with my mum and dad for the last 3 years, but finally my landlady has given in and allowed me to bring her to the flat. They say cat’s aren’t as loyal as dogs, but this one doesn’t leave my side. Even when I’d go back to mum and dad’s, she follows me everywhere.
It’s been hard getting her settled into flat life this week though. With my ex starting to pack up his things in preparation of moving out of the flat, it’s taken her a good few days to settle in, but judging from the photo below, she’s getting there!
It’s been a hard week for all of us I guess.
The day my ex moved out, I was a more emotional than I had anticipated. We moved into this flat just over 2 years ago after only knowing each other for 6 weeks. There are a lot of memories here.
Yet, I know the decision to go our separate ways is the right one.
I hope we can remain friends, but only time will tell.
So with the first week of January almost behind us, rather belatedly, I am ready to start the new year. My new chapter.
Change is always slightly unnerving, but it’s exciting too.
If nothing else, the last 6 years have taught me how important it is to live for today.
This doesn’t always seem possible of course, particularly when we are wrapped up in the mundane Mon-Fri regime of work, eat, sleep, repeat. There are also moments, when we become so consumed in the day to day that we simply forget to live for the now.
However, every now and again, we receive a little reminder of the importance of living life.
Sometimes it comes in the shape of a conversation with a friend; the loss of a loved one or; a major life change. Sometimes we just need that trigger to remind us that life is short. Life (and time) is too precious to simply plod along.
I spent the first 28 years of my life plodding along.
Don’t get me wrong…life wasn’t boring, or dull (ok so some of it was, but not all of the time). I certainly enjoyed life and had some great experiences. But I just found myself floating through each day. Never stopping to think about where I had been or where I was going.
6 years ago I received a phone call that changed life as I knew it, forever.
At 28 years old, my best friend had taken her own life.
Our friendship was different to others. We didn’t really have that much in common. But we both put in the effort to meet up regularly and to talk. Even when we went our separate ways to go to University, B choosing to move to the South Coast to study Medicine, and me staying in Northampton to study Geography and Third World Development. We would call each other regularly, or email each other. One of the things that meant the most to us were the letters we would write to each other. Proper letters using pens and paper and envelopes and stamps. We loved writing to each other. It’s probably the time we were most open with each other. B had suffered from mental health problems for as long as I had known her. In her letters she would often open up about her struggles. Those letters were sometimes hard to read. Face to face, it felt like B didn’t suffer at all, not that she pulled the wool over my eyes. I got pretty good at reading between the lines.
I knew when my mobile rang that day that something was wrong. My phone sprang to life and across it, it had B’s parent’s phone number…not her mobile. She never called me from her parents. Instantly I feared the worst and my fear was confirmed seconds later as her sister explained to me that B had taken an overdose. It was all perfectly planned. As a Doctor, B knew exactly how much medication she needed to take in order not to wake up.
Looking back, even the last time I saw her, I am certain she had already made up her mind. She was different that day. She was happy and seemed at peace with the world.
I knew that life wouldn’t be the same again after that day, but I had no idea what else was to come. Within the next 18 months, I also lost both my Nanna’s and my childhood best friend, Robert. Too many people were being taken from me too soon.
This horrible 18 month period changed my life. I didn’t realise back then of course how much life was going to change.
I’m not a particularly religious person, but looking back I could see a clear path had been carved out for me. So many things happened in my life in a short space of time, which lead to me saying yes to new opportunities, and eventually making the move to London.
We used to spend many a weekend meeting up in London, to go shopping, to a show, or just to walk around the wonderful food markets that grace many a London street.
I find comfort in living in London now.
In so many ways, I am grateful to B for kicking my life into second gear. I would obviously prefer her to be here, experiencing the trials and tribulations of our 30s together. But I take comfort in the fact she would be proud of the changes I have made in my life.
She would be proud of the person I have become, and even more proud that I am living life in the now, making the most of every experience that comes my way, as well as looking for new adventures with every new path I take.
(Old Harry Rocks – photo by me – one of the best weekends spent with B before she left us)